What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Man, jail baloney is awful.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
