sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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