I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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