So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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