No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
