it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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