I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I will pee on everything he values.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The air taste purple.
Randomize
