she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
