4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
