My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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