Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
