omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
