Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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