He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
