I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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