yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
