It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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