Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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