Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
