Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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