i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
