I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You can't just leave with hair like that
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
