dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
