I think I died a long time ago.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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