What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
