A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
