Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
