so that wasnt chicken after all
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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