I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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