I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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