She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
