Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
