you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
