put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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