Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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