So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
