You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
