fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
