Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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