apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
