Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
