So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
