I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
