Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
