I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
zippers are such a cool invention
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
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