I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
