I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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