This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize