My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
