areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
