He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
