Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
