they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
