No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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