hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
