dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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