guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
