mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
