i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I will pee on everything he values.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
