Rock
Scissors
Fuck
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
