We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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