This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You ruined the universe
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
