she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
