OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
