shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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