Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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