I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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