He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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