also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
someone owes me an orgasm
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
