dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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