apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
