God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
