That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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