if you like me you must not know who I am
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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